Santa Has Flipped
Twas the night before Christmas
I had nothing to do
So I got me a stiff drink
And a little something to chew
I got on my computer
And was surfing the net
While I waited for Santa
I was getting pissed and upset
I wanted to talk to that fat ugly man
About what he brought me for last year
Honestly, what would any man want
A pantyhose and oversized brazier
And to top it all off
He gave me a fake wig
Some feminine products
And a mistletoe fig
When Saint Nicholas gets here
I'm not going to be kind
I'm going to bitch him out good
And give him a piece of my mind
I hear hoofs on my rooftop
I'll bet that bastard is here
I ran down by the Christmas tree
And hid the cookies and cheer
He slid down my chimney
And fell to the floor
I kicked his nuts hard
I said, do you want any more
He screamed "I am Santa
Claus"
I brought you a gift
It's small but its mighty
It'll give your libido a "huge
lift"
I said, this year you plump bastard
On your gift I will pass
So take that tiny blue pill
And shove it straight up your ass
I want to talk to you, you nasty dumb
shit
About what you brought to me last year
Did you think you was being funny
Or did you think I looked queer
Santa said, I'll give you my answer
All I was trying to do
Was bring out that bitch
That was hiding in you
Well I smiled and I chuckled
And said, I got to admit
Though the brazier was too big
Those pantyhose sure fit
The feminine products I got
Are all used up and gone
And that mistletoe looks great
With this fake wig I have on
I believe there's a bitch
Hiding in every man
If anyone can exploit this
Well, Santa I know you can
Don't get me wrong lard ass
You've pissed me off this time
I am a bitch with my poetry
I am the mother of rhyme
Before you go, you obese bastard
Let me make this perfectly clear
If you'd rather not see the bitch in
me
Bring me something, more manly next
year
Page
& poem done by:
Tom Hutchinson AKA 'Wildthing'
11/15/06
11/13/06