I was in a shopping mall
Looking for some things to buy



I was looking for a colorful shirt
That would match my tacky tie



I found the shirt I wanted
Now I needed pants and shoes

I wanted to make a statement
So what the hell else is news?



I got all the goods I needed
And headed for the checkout line

This beautiful woman stood behind me
MAN …this chick looks mighty fine



She smiled at me and said, “Hello”
I smile back and said, “Howdy Miss”
To tell her she looked beautiful
I thought would be remiss



She stared at me as if she knew me
But I could not put a name to her face



By now I was feeling antsy
And wanted to vacate this place


She said, “You look like the father of one of my children”

I thought, “Oh my God where have I been”

I started sweating bullets
And my head began to spin



She said, “Sir, I hope you realize,”
“You have one handsome son”

I thought, “Oh lord will you forgive me”
“I don’t remember what I done”



I paid for the items that I bought
And got the hell out of there
I rushed and scampered to my car
All I could do was stare



I closed my eyes and tried to think
Maybe it was during my college days

Where getting drunk and having sex
Was always part of the college craze



She saw me sitting in my car
And walked over to talk with me some more
She said, “I could tell that you looked worried, Sir”
“I hope what I said didn’t make you sore”



Your son is smart and very handsome, Sir
Did you think I was making a pass?
I just thought you knew me too
Your son is a student in my class



Well now I got this big ass’d grin
And her face was all a gleam
She said, “You can relax now Sir”
“Things aren’t always what they seem”



“So you thought you fathered a child with me”
That’s what you thought, now didn’t you?
I kind of thought that’s what you meant
But if I did, you’d think I’d remember it too



We both started blushing

I felt like such a fool
She said, “This was so amusing, Sir”
I’ll see you again in school.

Author: Tom Hutchinson AKA WILDTHING