Don’t prepare a roast in the crock pot, adding the right amount of water and seasoning…putting the lid on and turning the heat setting to high heat…only to come back six hours later to check on it and find it isn’t even done… WHY you ask? …Because someone didn’t plug the crock-pot into an outlet … had a friend do that too … and didn’t work for her either.

Submitted by:  Umm.. He doesn't want me to say...

Submitted by:  He Umm.. doesn't want me to say...

Submitted by:  Umm.. He doesn't want me to say...

4.

If you freeze luncheon meats using Ziploc bags … then this is for you, “maybe”… if by chance you go to the refrigerator looking to enjoy a sandwich using your favorite lunch meat, only to find, “someone” took it for their sandwich and didn’t take out another package from the freezer to thaw… fear not …all you do is get another bag of your favorite meat and “quick thaw” it.

Now the fun begins… using your veggie steamer...filled to the low water line mark … place your Ziploc bag of lunch meat in the basket.. “DO NOT” leave the bag fully zipped …open it up a little bit so the air inside can escape and the bag won't blow up on you.. DON’T ASK ME HOW I KNOW THIS PLEASE. I JUST DO …Ok now “plug in steamer …turn on for about seven minutes… this is neater than chit. hell I have even thawed chicken breasts this way.

Submitted by:  Umm.. He doesn't want me to say...

Carrots (and other small peels): All of us at some time or other get up enough ambition to actually fix a meal and discover that we have to peel somethin. When I do this it seems like most of the peels go on the floor instead of the trash can (probably cuz I got one eye on the game).

I find bending over and pickin up those sticky things a pain in the butt, so after careful thought....here's what you do...

1. put on white socks
2. rub your feet over the carrot peels (they will stick to       your socks)
3. walk on your heels to the living room carpet
4. rub your feet on the carpet (the peels will come off)
5. vacuum the peels up

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Mashed Potatoes: In my forgetfulness I have never gotten around to getting an electric mixer or a hand masher.

The solution, if you ever want to eat mashed potatoes at home...

1. get out the electric drill
2. put a fork in the chuck. DANGER: don't use the plastic handle type fork as the chuck will crush the plastic.
3. place the potatoes in a smallish bowl
4. mix those suckers till they're ready to eat

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Meat: ya know... sometimes peanut butter and jelly gets old....and the ole cravin for somethin else hits you. I was never smart enough to learn to cook, but I did have enough smarts to get a lil ole crock pot. When I grocery shop I seem to always buy some meat with the full intentions of cookin a good meal. The prob is the meat seems to ..ummmm....sit around a while...cuz I'm usually doin somethin else (never cook today when you can put it off till tomorrow). As a result...the meat kinda gets this funny greenish color on the outside...

but don't worry...this is where the crock pot come in...

1. pull out the crock pot
2. look in the fridge and pull out anything you can find
3. make this fun...try tossin the stuff into the crock pot, which      should be at least 8 feet away. Green stuff is good. The key is      onions...lots of 'em.
4. put the meat on top of it all
5. cook for at least 5 hours.

Note: we have all been told to smell meat to see if its good....this may be true...

but WAIT till its cooked for at least 4 hours before you do this...that way all you'll smell is the onions and stuff and won't have to worry about how the meat smells.

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THE LAUNDRY



Doin laundry is somethin I hate. It's worse than cookin. A friend told me that going to the laundromat was a good thing cuz there were lotsa ladies there to flirt with. He was right...there ARE lotsa ladies there... I always figured that you took your laundry there by the pound, but all the ladies I see there come in by the pound and most of 'em have warts. So much for flirtin.

I finally gave up and bought a washer and dryer. Laundry needs to be done with a lot of forethought and much planning and what follows is my system...if it works for you...great...

Prewash Stage: We wont have to make an itemized list here...you're gonna know its time to do the wash when you can only find one pair of socks and they don't match. You're also gonna know when you find yourself lookin in the dirty pile to find the cleanest pair of underwear available. (hmmmm...I wonder if this is why I don't wear jockeys or boxers all the time)?

Sorting: you have got to be kidding me. What a waste of time. I see women do this all the time, and the reason has always escaped me. Here's what you do...

1. lug the pile to the washin machine and open the door.
2. dump in a bunch of that soap stuff. How much dosent matter as       long as soap suds don't run out.
3. grab handful's and toss them in.

Note: Sometimes you will notice that your clothes come out a different color than when they went in. This is a GOOD thing as everyone will think you're rich cuz your wardrobe is always different.

Folding: Huh? What's that mean.

1. grab the clothes in the dryer and carry 'em to the bedroom.
2. Toss em on the floor as this will create your clean pile.

Note: You will notice that as time goes on your clean pile gets smaller than your dirty pile and is an indicator that laundry time is arriving again....damn!

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TOILET SEATS

Every woman in the world thinks a toilet seat is for sittin on. WRONG. Men are members of the male species, and as a result feel compelled to mark their territory. The bathroom is definately MAN turf. Always make sure the toilet seat is up, as that makes the target area larger. However, if you want to be challenged, by all means lower it to see just how good your aim is. We mark our territory in two ways; by dribblin some pee on the floor ....and by leavin the seat UP so the woman of the house never forgets just whose bathroom it really is. Night peein is an art and takes lots of practice. It's best o have a blank wall directly behind the pooper. Just lean forward, resting your head on the wall, close your eyes, and let it go. As you improve, most of the pee will actually go in the commode

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DON'T...

If you're anything like me.. DO NOT heat your coffee in the  microwave! You will forget it! Well, at least I do. Put it in.. hit 1 minute.. walk away.

An hour later.. I wonder where my coffee is?? You would think by now, The first place I'd look would be the microwave? Naw.. sometimes I just shrug and pour myself another cup.. walk over to the microwave and OHHH!!!!! There it is!!!!

Sometimes though.. I just forget. Hubby has to take it out in the morning before he uses it to heat his! Does he ever forget??? GRRRRRRRR.. NOPE!
What's even worse is thanks to hubby.. my friends even know I do this! Nuttin worse than talkin to someone on the phone.. lookin for my coffee

and THEY tell ME where it is!!!!!

Sighhhhhhh
This one was a Minibite mess up..... LOL
Ummm OK! OK!! ISSSSSSS ALWAYS a Minibite mess up

Send in your submittals!!!!!!!