Dear Kotex:
I recently noticed that the
peel-off strip of my pantiliner had a bunch
of "Kotex Tips for Life" on it.
Annoying advice such as: Staying
active
during your period can relieve cramps. Avoiding caffeine may help reduce
cramps and headaches. Drink 6-8 glasses of water a day to keep you
hydrated and feeling fresh. Try Kotex blah blah blah other products ...
Obviously the individual behind this was someone who has never possessed
a functioning set of ovaries. Go ahead and tell a menstruating woman that
drinking 6-8 glasses of water will help keep her feeling fresh.
Like we
need more fluid inside our bloated bodies from hell...but go ahead...I
triple-dog-friggen-dare-ya... See what happens and report back. I'll
wait.
While you're at it, dump out the coffee at work
and remove the chocolate from the vending machine. I garan-tee
that the first responders will be females who just ovulated.
Staying active will relieve headaches & cramps...well guess what, the
only activities that interests me is eating..sleeping..bitching or crying for
no apparent reason.. ..and oh...does ripping someone's head off count as
activity?????
Look, females don't need or want tips for living on their feminine
hygiene products. Younger girls are already hearing "helpful" crap like that
from
elderly relatives. Veteran females have already concocted their own recipes
for survival, many containing alcohol & barbiturates.
Printing out crap advice while sneaking in ads for the brand that
was already purchased is just plain
annoying, not to mention rude, and is enough to send a girl running to
the Always brand.
It's not a fun time, but DO NOT try to cheer us up by adding smiley faces
or bunnies or flowery cutesy crap to your products or the packaging.alcohol &
barbiturates
Put the crap in a plain brown
wrapper so we can throw it in our carts
discreetly and have it blend in among the wine and beer.
There is nothing more annoying than having a blinding pink
package announcing your uterine state to everyone in the store.
Why don't ya just add an
in-store microphone to the damn package &
announce that...helloooo, another female in the store is on her
period!!!!!
So take your tips for living and your cute bunnies & the smiley faces and
shove them right up your %&*$!!
PS How about adding a free sample of Pamprin & maybe a shot of Bourbon to
your packages instead!!!
11/16/06
