WHAT IF MICROSOFT'S
HOME OFFICE WAS HEADQUARTERED IN MINNESOTA?
1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft StormWindows.
2. Instead of an hourglass icon you'd get a walleye.
3. Occasionally you'd bring up a window that was covered in frost.
4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of "Yah, sure" or "Thanks very
much, not right now, but maybe later."
5. Instead of "Ta-Da!", the opening sound would be a car with a cold battery
cranking over and over and over and over.
6. The "Recycle Bin" in StormWindows '95 would be an ice fishing house.
7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you'd hear "Kirrrrrby Puckett!!!"
8. Instead of "Start Me Up," the StormWindows '95 theme song would be the Gedney
Pickles jingle.
9. PowerPoint would be named "Don't Point" because "power" is just too
aggressive and pointing isn't polite, anyway, don't you know.
10. Microsoft's programming tools would be "Visual Lutheran" and "Visual
Evangelical Lutheran."
11. StormWindows 95's logo would incorporate a hotdish.
12. Microsoft Word would be Microsoft Apology.
13. Instead of WWW servers, Microsoft would have 3M servers.
14. New Shutdown WAV: "Do you have to leave so soon? Have another cup of coffee,
dear."
15. Instead of VPs, Microsoft big shots would be called "Winter Carnival
Royalty".
16. Hardware could be repaired using parts from used appliances bought at garage sales for
50 cents apiece.
17. Microsoft Office replaced with Microsoft Skyway.
18. Five words: Norwegian Bachelor Farmer Screen Saver.
19. Well, the first thing you know, Bill is known as "that nice man up the block who
sponsors the Little League team."
20. Spreadsheet software would include examples to inventory prize-winning jam and pickle
recipes from the State Fair.
21. Car block heaters would feature plug'n'play interfaces.
22. Screen saver option: A guy shoveling his driveway and then a snowplow coming through
and pushing a mound across the driveway bottom.
23. Instructions for use would include "Please press the control key when you have a
minute, okay?"
|
