Well the story by the wife about buyin me some new britches is a true one. She done that. She also bought me a dang ugly army green (from a long time ago army color) that she knew I would never ever wear anywhere.

This is the real story! She done told me I could look but not touch purty girls. I done that!



Let me tell ya this woman is a bit sneaky lately!

She done took me to one of her girlfriend’s parties to video the thing for prosperity’s sake



I shoulda stayed home! Couple of girls new to the crowd was a flirtin with me. They didn’t know I belonged ta my wife!

They was doin a right good job of flirtin until my wife got the message to ‘em that they was endangerin their own lives.

Them women were downin a lot of booze. I ain’t trying to brag here, I think that booze caused some of this attention. I ain’t that purty! I do cleanup purty good though, so my wife says!

Well from then on my wife seemed to watch me a bit closer. She quit taking me shoppin, which is a good thang to me! I hate shoppin!

Strange things started to sorta happen round my house. My good sneakers disappeared. All my razors disappeared too, except for one that is so dull it don’t cut good anymore.

The wife is makin sure I got plenty of bourbon and wine round here.

She calls me now when she’s out to see if she can pick somethin up for me on the way home. She is always stuffin the fridge full of all kinds of stuff I like. She cooks tons of stuff up before she goes off. So much fer my diet I’m sposed to be on?



And my car always seems to have a dang flat or two on it lately. Funny cause I just bought new ones that cost me about 600 bucks? Had ‘em checked out. Nuthin wrong they could find?? Still go flat a lot?

I figured out that the wife forwarded all of the phone lines to her cell phone when she leaves the house. She says she is just being good to me so I won’t get disturbed too much. She’s a good woman!

I finally figured out the wife don’t trust me out in public where any ladies can get to me. I figured out that she was not very serious when she said I could look all I wanted to but I could not touch!



But I really think it was them girls flirtin with me at that dang party what caused all the problems. I don’t think the wife thought any girl would want me at my age.

Now I just stay home and enjoy the ball games and the TV movies and eat till I hurt.

A couple of my Friday go to lunch buddies are wonderin where the heck I went to. They keep emailin and askin me if I am OK.

Sure am I say, I got bourbon and wine and plenty to eat but I can’t go out this Friday cause I ain’t got nothin to wear and I got a flat tire.



But I tell ya one thing – I don’t wear them dang britches. I wear a pair of shorts around the house these days. No need to get gussied up if ya ain’t goin nowhere! I grew me a beard cause that razor is a hard thing to live with!



Ever now and then the wife loans me her new razor and drops me off at the barber when she is shoppin if she needs me to go someplace with her the next day.

She even washes me a pair of jeans and a good shirt I can’t never find. She is a good woman!


The wife says I don’t need to be out runnin round cause gas is too high to fill my car up anyway and she is right about that! She is a good woman! She is good to me!