Repairing The Car 2
Written by: Bubba Stan - the Sweet P

Well, here is the rest of the story!

Page two says "that guy" Paul Harvey on the radio!

Well, I never did get that dang Blazer to my mechanic.
Seems as though something was burning on my manhood.
I got this email from a friend of mine pointing out my
deficiencies as a man with a car in need of a bit o' work.

I swear I was gonna take that dang machine that burned me,
and got all messed up, to my mechanic. Well, it looks like
I was procrastinating a lot. I just could not bring myself
to be whooped by 3 little ole belts. A man has his pride ya know!

Well whilst this vehicle was out front taking up space on
my grass, (well mostly on my grass, with a ticket on the
windshield), I had to go traveling a bit.

I went to San Antonio, Texas with my stepson and his family,
This was to give them a fling they'd never forget. I won't
tell why we did this but we did! We romped and stomped all
over San Antonio. I wore their butts out.
Now I have to tell ya that I am so out of shape I am hurting
in places I didn't know I had places. Heck folks this was a
week ago and I can’t hardly get around. But they all had fun.

What does this have to do with the belts on the Blazer??
Well heck nuthin! I was still procrastinating about messing with it.

I wanted to take it to my mechanic but I just couldn't bring
myself to do that. So I am a lying round in my bed, having
cramps and pains, from walking and running round so much,
I decided to punish my body. Heck, if it's gonna hurt this
bad it needs a reason!

Sorta like telling your kid, if your gonna keep cryin I'm
gonna whup ya so ya will have a reason to cry.
I never did understand that one!

Ok, so it's 4:00AM and my body and my back are a keeping me
awake with all them pain things And I get up and go see this
dang page about my oil change stuff and I feel rat embarrassed
here!!!

I decide to go move them vehicles around and get that Blazer
in the garage rat now. I did that. Manly pride ya know!
I just gotta fix this dang vehicle now. And I done started
to fix it! And let me tell you it is not a pretty story. I
done told ya that 30 minutes of labor oughta do this.
I was wrong as I could be.

Well I got it in the garage. I raise the hood. I did not put
the "prop up bar" in the right hole and the hood fell rat on
my head. Dang thing don't look that heavy? More goop on my
head to stop the bleeding.

It just seems that there is always that one dang bolt that ya
can't reach or can't get it loose. I had one or two of them
again! Every time I try to work on my cars this happens!!
I cussed and then busted a few knuckles. I kept runnin in and
out of the house, hopin to wake the wife so she could tell me
to stop. She never slept this late before?

I am bustin knuckles all over the place. I am bleedin everywhere.
My belly has done been torn a few times cause I am a leanin over
the front. I can't bend over cause my back is in pain. So I am a
leaning on whatever I can get to lean on.

I get the parts loose so I can take the belts off. Well the ones
left. Now where in the heck did I put them belts I bought a week
or so ago?

Gotta have a beer. Obligatory to have beer to work on a car ya
know. Beer sucks at 4:00AM

I am a sittin and restin my back. Sippin my beer. Trying to
figure a way out of this. Can't - man thing again!

It is hotter than hell again even at 4:00AM. I get my new fan on
a stand fan and plug it in. Now I need a multi plug so I can
plug in my drop light. Why do they call it that? I have gone
through 4 light bulbs now.

Ouch - do you have any idea how hot a 100watt bulb is? I do.
Got burns to prove it, one on my right hand and two on my
left arm. Then I hung that light up on the hood and leaned
rat on it and burned my cheek. Face cheek! That sure hurt
really fast. Bumped my head again jerkin round to get off
that light! More goop on my head and bandages too?

I'm gonna kiss my mechanic the next time I see him!

Well I have all kinds of things apart now. Of course I took
out several bolts I did not need to take out!!! The power
steering pump has fallen down to where my light can't find
it. Another beer is in order rat now.

Rest a bit and sip my beer. My back is killin me! Beer still
sucks at 5:30AM

Ok here we go. Found the new belts. Now how in the world do
I get the old belts off and out of the car??? There is about
two inches or less in front of the fan to get em out. Fan has
sharp edges on the blades. I promise you it does?

I finally wiggle the belts out. That fan sure takes up a lot
of room! Now I have to get the new ones in.

Another beer is in order. I have to rest my back again. My
belly is still bleeding in several places!

Don't care anymore about pain or anything. I am just going to
put these dang belts on - now. It's a man thing!

I gotta win this battle. I seem to remember it being a lot easier a few
years back to do this sort of thing? I'm running out of knuckles
to bust here!

I will win this battle. But I am going to kiss my mechanic for
sure the next time I need him!

I will never complain about his prices again. Another beer is in order.
Resting my back again! Wow this hurts! I don't remember all this
pain? Just three belts!

Well I got them on! Now where are those bolts I took off completely?
I know they have to be here someplace. I have it all back together
now - except for that adjustment bolt for the AC. Looking everywhere
for it. It is lost! Of course it is a "special" bolt that is about
6" long. Now how in the devil can ya lose one of them?

Still looking at 6:00AM. I give up. I am too tired to deal with
this anymore today. Put up all my tools. Finished my last beer.

Beer sucks at 6:30 AM too. Ok I slam the hood down, but it won't
latch. Oh well, what the heck? I did not mess with the hood? Oh
there is the long bolt - stuck it in the hole for the hood latch.
I remember thinking this is a good place to keep this, can't lose
it here?

Got the tools back out. Finished! Start the car. It started! I am
feeling pretty darn good now. I decide I need to tinker and fill
all the re-fillables and such. Battery was almost dry. Filled it
up! Added water to the coolant system? Why in the world do they
call it that now? Radiator is still a viable good word in my
dictionary.

Got it all fixed up now, dang I feel like a man!

Well I am so pleased with myself I am going to go do some email
and have a Bourbon and water to celebrate!

Wife is up! She is asking - why are you drinking Bourbon and water
at this hour? And she wants to know if I am going to mow the
lawn this morning?

You do not want to know the "rest of this story"
- I promise you - you do not!

Ok a bit of a follow up - wife has gone to the store in the Blazer.
Holding my breath! She is back. Blazer started - Blazer ran fine -
AC froze her boobs!

I'm a man!!!!!!!!!

Bubbas Car Repair Part 1

Back to Bubbas

Back to my home page!

7/30/03