Rudolph the Redneck Reindeer
smoked lucky strikes and dipped snuff
and when it comes to liquor
he couldn't ever get enough

He carried a sawed-off shotgun
and always slicked back his fur.
All of the other reindeers
all the time called him sir.

Well he lived in a double wide trailer
about a mile from Santy's house.
and each and every Christmas Rudolph
would always get soused.

Then walk down to the stable
where the other reindeers would be.
where he'd cuss and spit tobacco juice
and punch out two or three.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santy came down to Rudolph's trailer, where Rudolph was lyin' in the bed tryin to get over last night's drunk.

Then Santy Claus saw Rudolph's bed covered with liquor bottles, tobacco juice all over it, and cigarette butts all over the floor there.

And he got real mad. And he said to Rudolph "You'd better get on the dadgum wagon and pull my sled tonight boy!"

Now Rudolph didn't like this kind of loud talks early in the mornin ya know. So he reached over there and spit tobacco juice in the left eye of Santy Claus.

Then took a liquor bottle and busted it over the bed and said "Get the hell outta here ya dadgum fat hippie!".

Well, see Santy Claus didn't like that at all. I mean Rudolph comin at em with a bottle and all, ya know.

Well see Santy Claus has been takin Kung Fu lessons from this Chinese elf all summer long while he didn't have nothin to do.

So he takes his right hand there and slams it into Rudolph's ol face there. Just knocks him flat on the floor.

Well, Rudolph the redneck reindeer had a very bloody nose.
And if you ever saw it
you would even say it glows.

All of the other reindeers
now laugh and throw back their heads
cause Rudolph the redneck reindeer that's how your nose got red